Elle King’s drunken performance of “Marry Me” was a low point of an otherwise joyous tribute to Dolly Parton back in January for the country legend’s 78th birthday. After maintaining her silence about the incident, King finally shared what happened for the first time on Chelsea Handler’s Dear Chelsea podcast. King revealed she wasn’t supposed to perform that night, and was asked to sing once an unnamed star had to back out at the last minute.

She revealed she was dealing with “very heavy and traumatic” personal issues that night. “I suffer from severe PTSD. I take one shot too many, and I’m just not there in my body,” she said. “I don’t even remember what I said. Maybe I shouldn’t have been drinking…This is like a sacred stage and I fu–ed up. If you were there that night and I didn’t get a chance to say I’m sorry to you, I apologize.” (COS)